Fear of Transformation: The Essene Book of Days
Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I'm hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control of my life. I know most of the right questions and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I'm merrily (or not so merrily) swinging along, I look ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty, and I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness going to get me. In my heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present, well known bar to move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me, I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moment in time I must hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar. Each time I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing I have always made it. Each time I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between the bars. But I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because somehow, to keep hanging onto that old bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. And so for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the past is gone, the future is not yet here." It's called transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have notices that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a "no-thing", a no-place between places. sure the old trapeze-bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real too. but the void in between? That's just scary, confusing, disorienting "nowhere" that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible. What a waste! I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid the void, where the real change, the real growth occurs for us. Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being our-of-control that can (but no necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

And so, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang-out" in the transition between trapeze bars. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening, in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly.

The Eagles Prayer: Thomas Dale Willhite & William Penn Patrick
Give us the courage to face our problems, and the realization that we have the ability to solve them. That we must someday face the truth no matter what it is. We shall learn to rely on ourselves and not blame others for our weaknesses and mistakes. Grant us the courage to take our heads out of the sand, face life with confidence and give whatever it demands of us. Awaken us to the realization that we are not to be kept by our brothers, nor are we our brother's keeper. Help us if we are tempted to boast of our noble deeds with which we try to deceive others and ourselves. To make someone else think we are greater to thee than they. Teach us to know that because the "I am" is your creation, the "I am" is the beginning and the end; that because of you all things are possible.

Teach us to know that we cannot expect you our God, to do for us those things we should do ourselves. We know that it is by our deeds that we shall be measured, and when we fully realize this truth, it will indeed set us free...free of the fear of yesterday, today and all the tomorrows that may come. That same truth will set us free of false pride, greed jealousy and envy.

God you have made us eagles and we shall break the shackles of fear and ignorance, which have bound our wings. Now with freedom of truth, we can soar above the mountains and clouds to see the wonders of the earth; the abundance of wealth and happiness that you have made available to man.

Thus, we shall be inspired by the vastness of the universe and we will live in its greatness and glory and shall be worthy or ourselves and our place in the sun. Free us oh God and we shall work to free ourselves from the burdens and mystical dogmas and social formulas founded on fear, greed and ignorance. We knock and the doors of knowledge will open. We shall ask and because we are willing to pay the price, it will be given to us.